And just when I couldn't hold back

the release of my lovesick tears any longer, I looked at the Papoose and decided we needed to Get.Out. Out of the house that holds constant reminders of Her. My darling daughter who is currently 500 miles away from me for three more weeks. Sometimes I sit on her bed and shuffle through her diary, laughing at her phonetic misspellings with melancholy. Yesterday I wrote her another letter, just two pages of happy thoughts and the silly goings-on of her baby brother. I can’t possibly write what’s actually in my head.

So I pretend I’m okay and I pretend she’s okay.

I pretend three weeks isn’t an eternity in seven year old terms and I wear the happy mask. I’m always wearing the happy mask. When people ask me how she’s doing I stifle the pang of longing and tell them what a great time she and her Daddy are having and that I talked to her on the phone just recently. In reality, her father rarely answers his phone, but when we do ultimately have our weekly chat she asks to come home. It’s much too painful to talk about the truth so I play happy.

So out we ventured, just my Papoose and me. We took pleasure in a two mile stroll along the bike path as he stole my we shared an extra thick chocolate milkshake. We popped into and out of many yard sales, looking for nothing in particular. And just as we turned onto our road I saw a “Moving Sale – 9:00 to 2:00” sign. What the heck, I pulled in. No sooner did I place him down and off he ran to a red ride-on fire truck, complete with bells, whistles, and wheels. Again with the wheels. And for only $3! Out of the corner of my eye I quickly spotted a plastic table and chair set in gently used condition. And for only $3! An annoying Wiggles piano? For only 50¢! Three pair of 2T winter pajamas? For only $1.50! What a rush grabbing other people’s crap good bargains can be. We loaded up the van and headed for home to clean our new treasures.

I flipped on the college radio station just in time to be flooded with memories of two friends just as dorky as I, hiding behind beach towels in hand-me-down bikinis, plastic fruit (don’t ask), and a pumpin’ stereo system. The entire ride home I was filled with a sense of accomplishment at my newly acquired and inexpensive junk toys and entertaining memories of sunburns and Grand Lake. For the five minute ride home I wasn’t thinking about missing her. For five minutes I was singing out loud and smiling. So, for all you 30 somethings out there: Do you take sugar, one lump or two?