Saturday, July 08, 2006

And just when I couldn't hold back

the release of my lovesick tears any longer, I looked at the Papoose and decided we needed to Get.Out. Out of the house that holds constant reminders of Her. My darling daughter who is currently 500 miles away from me for three more weeks. Sometimes I sit on her bed and shuffle through her diary, laughing at her phonetic misspellings with melancholy. Yesterday I wrote her another letter, just two pages of happy thoughts and the silly goings-on of her baby brother. I can’t possibly write what’s actually in my head.

So I pretend I’m okay and I pretend she’s okay.

I pretend three weeks isn’t an eternity in seven year old terms and I wear the happy mask. I’m always wearing the happy mask. When people ask me how she’s doing I stifle the pang of longing and tell them what a great time she and her Daddy are having and that I talked to her on the phone just recently. In reality, her father rarely answers his phone, but when we do ultimately have our weekly chat she asks to come home. It’s much too painful to talk about the truth so I play happy.

So out we ventured, just my Papoose and me. We took pleasure in a two mile stroll along the bike path as he stole my we shared an extra thick chocolate milkshake. We popped into and out of many yard sales, looking for nothing in particular. And just as we turned onto our road I saw a “Moving Sale – 9:00 to 2:00” sign. What the heck, I pulled in. No sooner did I place him down and off he ran to a red ride-on fire truck, complete with bells, whistles, and wheels. Again with the wheels. And for only $3! Out of the corner of my eye I quickly spotted a plastic table and chair set in gently used condition. And for only $3! An annoying Wiggles piano? For only 50¢! Three pair of 2T winter pajamas? For only $1.50! What a rush grabbing other people’s crap good bargains can be.
We loaded up the van and headed for home to clean our new treasures.

I flipped on the college radio station just in time to be flooded with memories of two friends just as dorky as I, hiding behind beach towels in hand-me-down bikinis, plastic fruit (don’t ask), and a pumpin’ stereo system. The entire ride home I was filled with a sense of accomplishment at my newly acquired and inexpensive junk toys and entertaining memories of sunburns and Grand Lake. For the five minute ride home I wasn’t thinking about missing her. For five minutes I was singing out loud and smiling. So, for all you 30 somethings out there: Do you take sugar, one lump or two?



7 Comments:

Blogger Jennifer said...

Oh god, this is how I'm feeling. D leaves for Cali (and 1,000 miles from me) on Monday. I don't know how to handle it. I am worried, I'm sad, I don't know what to do. We'll make it through okay- if you want to talk let me know, okay?? This is the first time she's been away from me more than a week!!!

Great deals at the garage sales! It's like they say, one man's junk is another man's treasure.

Hang in there! ((((HUGS))))

1:29 PM  
Blogger Momma Star said...

(((r)))

4:47 PM  
Blogger Prezzie said...

She'll be back before you know it R. I can't believe how Papoose is growing so fast. Don't feed him Spam™. Good mothers feed their children liver, not Spam™. :o)

7:15 PM  
Blogger jouette said...

what a beautiful post.
my heart goes out to you, i can hear how hard it is, i know i would feel the exact same way.
i'm so glad the radio took you back and made you smile. big hugs.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Isn't it funny the ridiculous things music makes us remember? For the record, I haven't been able to listen to Clapton or CCR in 15 years without thinking of you in my pastel rainbow disaster of a bedroom. And Carolyn in a string bikini!

I know you miss her. The Monster has been gone 2 1/2 days now and I hardly know what to do with myself (I worked 16 hours overnight for lack of better things to do). She'll be back before you know it, then you'll finally be able to rest.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

While I'm sitting here touting the big city, you've just made me missed summers in New England and all the yard sale treasures I've accumulated through the years. Sounds like a wonderful day and a welcome distraction. 7 days might be long for her but for you...it will be over before you know it.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Stefanie T. said...

I'm so sorry you're missing your girl, but I'm glad you had a momentary, happy distraction.

Ah, Def Leppard. Reminds me of being a freshman in high school. Good times.

11:01 AM  

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