Teacher inservice day really means

the children savages get to stay home from school and torture their mother with relentless arguing, nonstop teasing and whining, and general hostility until she ultimately cracks and can be found standing in two inches of bathtub water with a half empty bottle of cheap merlot in one hand and a plugged-in toaster in the other.

I love my children. No really.

I’m leaving for Wal*Mart in just about five minutes to walk around. Just walk. And maybe talk a little bit to myself. I might wander through the garden department and take a quick nap under the patio furniture. I may mosey through the fabric department and look at all the shiny buttons. I may even take a stroll all the way over to the deli and eat one of those free cookies. Doesn’t matter because I’ll be enjoying all these refreshing frivolities without any children near me.

Ta!