Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Baby papoose walked last night.

He took six brave wobbly steps into the outstretched arms of his big sister.

10½ months to create a small spirit so unstoppable, so determined, and absolutely fearless. 10½ months of schlepping through exhaustion and apprehension. 10½ months of giggling my way through first smiles, first teeth, slobbering face plants, and small mushy hugs. I recall those first endless nights at home with the papoose. Not only was I hindered by a wound that would make a grown man blubber for his mommy, I was terrified that because of something I undoubtedly did or didn’t do properly, the baby would stop breathing. My eyes would fly open from a few fleeting minutes of sleep and I would find myself in an outright state of panic. Is he breathing? Am I crushing him? I’d find him sucking on his bottom lip, whimpering and squeaking as he dreamt of the warm dark bubble he once knew. He’s okay. He’s breathing. It’s okay to sleep.

I forgot the constant state of terror new motherhood is accompanied by!

Since giving birth to my last child, I’ve found the following excerpt to ring true:

"A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world.

But the last one: the baby who trails his scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after – oh, that's love by a different name. He is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after he's gone to sleep. If you put him down in the crib he might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from his skin, breathing his exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on his cheeks. He's the one you can't put down." ~ Barbara Kingsolver in The Poisonwood Bible

March on little one.


Blogger That Sloane Girl said...

Is he really 10½ months old already? *sigh*

Space Age Boy walked at that same age...and went straight to a run. I don't doubt your sweet boy will be speedy too, before you know it.

12:16 AM  
Blogger Siuan said...

Those words resonate with me. I hope beyond home my little M isn't my last but at the same time I think he is and I hold onto that hope he won't grow up.
Yup, 10.5 months was when little M started to walk as well. It happens so quickly and from that moment on they gain a little bit of indepence everyday. Hold on as long as you can!

6:26 PM  
Blogger ©Jac said...

I swear for a while my DD only slept thru night occasionally just to freak me out!
Congrats to your new walker!

1:36 AM  

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