Tuesday, August 12, 2008

200 things for the 200th blog entry

I’ve hit “publish” 200 times on this little emotional rollercoaster of mine. It’s been cathartic, entertaining, embarrassing, scary and fun. But mostly I just like telling people I have a blog. It makes me feel special. So here are 200 amazing things about me that you never even knew you needed to know:

1. I like wearing black nail polish.
2. I adore my full breasts when I float naked on my back.
3. That’s really the only time I like them.
4. I’d prefer my feet to be one size smaller.
5. I like watching HGTV’s House Hunters more than I admit to anybody.
6. I’d breastfeed indefinitely for life if I had a willing baby.
7. I think html is exciting.
8. I don’t regret remodeling my home.
9. But I do regret not selling it two summers ago.
10. I’ve had an ingrown toenail surgically removed from my right big toe twice.
11. I’m slightly attracted to the holographic doctor on Star Trek Voyager.
12. I’ve also got an itty bitty thing for Benecio Del Toro.
13. Tim Horton’s – large with five creams one sugar
14. I like the smell of my toddler’s stinky toes.
15. I don’t have many friends in this rural town.
16. Sometimes it bothers me and other times it refreshes me.
17. But the friends I do have are friends for life.
18. I’m scared shitless of aspartame.
19. I feel so much at home deep in the woods, alone and hiding.
20. I was a single mother for three years.
21. Mountain biking makes feel powerful and strong.
22. I have two guinea pigs and they are my wittle babeez.
23. I rock them and sing lullabies.
24. I wax my upper lip and my children find my mustache hilarious.
25. I wax their arms just for fun and laugh at their pain.
26. I’m just kidding about #25.
27. Well I waxed their arms once just to show them what waxing was.
28. And I totally laughed at their pain that one time.
29. Moving on.
30. I wish it could be September in Maine all year round.
31. I am a Trekkie.
32. I think my husband would look hot as a Vulcan.
33. He fantasizes about me dressed as an Orion Slave Girl.
34. Google it.
35. I shop second hand for clothes.
36. It helps me feel less guilty for driving new cars.
37. Once I start a game of solitaire I have difficulty stopping.
38. My garbage man comes early every Monday morning.
39. But I rarely it get it down to the end of my driveway in time.
40. So I usually have four weeks of smelly garbage festering in my garage.
41. But I do have exceptionally clean bathrooms.
42. My sister is my absolute best friend.
43. She was the most amazing gift my parents ever gave to me.
44. I feel a twinge of sadness that my daughter only has brothers.
45. I am a conspiracy theorist.
46. But I didn’t stockpile canned goods and generators for Y2K.
47. That would’ve been plain silly.
48. I’m on an antidepressant.
49. And I’m very much okay with it.
50. I’m happier at this point in life than I’ve ever been before.
51. Despite being rounder, fuller and more voluptuous than ever before.
52. I haven’t had the urge to starve myself since the birth of my son.
53. I think that’s pretty amazing.
54. My husband thinks my boobs are pretty amazing.
55. I wish he’d stop grabbing them every chance he gets.
56. The kids are starting to notice.
57. Homeschooling has been an incredible journey for our family.
58. A snickers bar always lifts my spirits.
59. I’ve never been in a sorority but almost pledged in 1994.
60. One of my favorite childhood books is Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Peri Pembo has fallen into the well!
61. My least favorite household chore is folding clean laundry.
62. I admire my parents and aspire to follow their examples.
63. I did not admire them when I was 16.
64. I was actually a spoiled little shit at 16 and tried to give them ulcers.
65. To this day I have no idea why they didn’t sell me to the gypsies.
66. I sell Arbonne to myself.
67. I have yet to reach regional manager.
68. That was a joke.
69. I’ve given birth to two children but am a Mama to three.
70. The one I didn’t birth has taught me a lot about selflessness and real love.
71. He’s pretty much the biggest lesson I’ve learned in life.
72. And he looks just like me so that’s awesome.
73. I was married in Auckland, New Zealand.
74. I make deliciously eggy homemade waffles.
75. We eat them way too often for lunch.
76. I lived in Connecticut for five years.
77. Those years are slightly hazy in my memory.
78. Age 21 was tumultuous for me.
79. And intoxicated.
80. But so fun and I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
81. My long hair is a security blanket for my head.
82. I’m constantly putting it up and taking it down.
83. I dyed the poor mop black for almost ten years.
84. I had to cut it extremely short to remove the black color.
86. My husband tried to say something nice to make me feel better.
87. But he couldn’t hide the fact that he really loves big 80’s hair.
88. Now I curl it up nice and big like I’m a member of Winger just for him.
89. That’s commitment, baby.
90. Every Saturday night my husband and I get Ruby Tuesday take-out and watch Star Trek Deep Space Nine as our date night.
91. I look forward to our date night all week.
92. I listen to techno.
93. And I’m not afraid to admit it.
94. I keep my heels pumiced and lotioned.
95. Cracked heels are gross.
96. I give my girlfriends pedicures.
97. I adore my friends’ children.
98. That’s one of the amazing aspects of good friendships.
99. If I live to be 99 years old, please let me still have bowel control.
100. If I don’t have bowel control at age 99, please let me be too senile to realize it.
101. I have a biological father who I didn’t meet until I was 25.
102. I have an adoptive father who fell in love with me when I was two.
103. I have a step-father who’d do anything for me or my children.
104. I’m a damned lucky daughter.
105. Blackjack gum is my all-time favorite gum but I can never find it.
106. I don’t like or wish for abortions but still believe in a woman’s right to choose.
107. I grew up Catholic.
108. But I would never subject my children to it.
109. My children are not baptized.
110. I had a dog named Frodo.
111. He barked.
112. I gave him to my sister.
113. She plots my untimely death each night because of that furry black mutt.
114. My theme song is “Take On Me” by A-ha!
115. Ally McBeal helped me discover it.
116. I have a pierced naval and a tattoo.
117. I suppose that makes me a bad-ass.
118. I’ve road-biked 350 miles so far this summer.
119. I’ve got solid calves to prove it.
120. The five of us constantly bike together in a pack.
121. But somehow I always get stuck pulling the toddler in his buggy.
122. Why is that?
123. Willow Tree figurines tickle my fancy.
124. I don’t think I’ve ever said “tickle my fancy” with a straight face before.
125. We’re due for a family portrait this year.
126. I’ll undoubtedly obsess about how chubby my face looks.
127. Stretching with my Pilates band helps me relax.
128. Shopping for new shoes does too.
129. I have a fabulous hairdresser named Sheila.
130. I’m having a love affair with my Tassimo one-cup coffee maker.
131. My husband’s totally okay with it.
132. I’ve caught him giving his laptop a backrub so we’re cool.
133. I was a beauty queen.
134. No seriously.
135. I won a beauty pageant in 1994.
136. There were five contestants.
137. I’ll wait for you to stop choking from laughter before I go on.
138. ………
139. Need a hanky?
140. I’m an eBay junkie.
141. But to my credit, I usually only buy school supplies and books.
142. The cashiers and baggers at my local grocery store know my name.
143. They also carry my groceries to my car for me.
144. Small town charm is not lost around here.
145. I smoked cigarettes on and off for the better part of ten years.
146. I regret it.
147. Watching my mother continue to smoke at age 52 breaks my heart.
148. I find Celebrity gossip oddly gripping.
149. My little brother is a police officer…..shhhh…it’s the po-po.
150. His fiancé is a lawyer.
151. I’m very well-behaved around them.
152. I hated Bush before it was hip.
153. And I was talking about Obama in 2006.
154. I suppose this all makes me very special indeed.
155. Sometimes I worry that I’m raising politically angry children.
156. But I don’t know any other way.
157. I believe we’re evolving.
158. But I’m not so sure that it’s into something good.
159. I’d like to raise hens.
160. I have dimples in my cheeks and sometimes people poke them.
161. My sweet toddler’s got them too.
162. Which is good - because other than that?
163. He’s a miniature version of his Daddy.
164. I’m going to write a book someday.
165. I loathe commercials with a burning hatred.
166. I’m trying very hard to keep my children from growing up in the pop culture of Disney.
167. I want to smash High School Musical’s teeth in.
168. I can’t even find a toothbrush without Hannah Montana’s face on it.
169. I’m making myself so angry just thinking about it.
170. But bookmarks made from pressed flowers make me happy.
171. I love watching black and white movies from the 1940’s.
172. Particularly movies starring Cary Grant.
173. My husband and I eat pepper jack cheese and Ritz crackers in bed.
174. Sometimes I worry that Africanized bees are going to take over the world.
175. Blue Moon has been our summer beer.
176. I’ve eaten more butter-crunch ice cream this summer than I’ll admit.
177. I tried to build my kids a tree house.
178. I got as far as a triangular platform.
179. And then I ran out of wood.
180. I have a pumpkin patch.
181. I almost always stop at a garage sale.
182. My husband and I watch two Netflix dvd’s a week.
183. The dvd’s are always Star Trek.
184. I have a red-headed Scottish friend named Kelly.
185. She even wears a kilt and plays the bagpipes.
186. I’ve signed my name on the Eiffel Tower.
187. I play Webkinz when nobody’s looking.
188. I’m a part-time college student.
189. Because I’m a full-time Mum.
190. I drive a black VW Jetta.
191. I danced with gay cowboys in St. Louis last year.
192. I drink 64 ounces of ice-cold water every day.
193. It’s a good habit I started when breastfeeding.
194. My husband’s genius is his sexiest attribute.
195. My clothing just falls right off when he geeks it out.
196. My egg salad is kind of a big deal.
197. I didn’t know the difference between an excavator and a backhoe until I had a toddler boy.
198. But now I can name every piece of farm equipment ever made.
199. I was pulling my daughter in a little red wagon down main street the moment the planes hit the twin towers.
200. I’m overly-protective of my children.

That’s ten minutes of your life you’ll never get back. I hope it was worth it.


Blogger preTzel said...

Hannah Montana? Ugh. I can't STAND Miley Cyrus. Everytime I hear Hannah Montana come on the telly I yelly "TURN THAT SHIT OFF OR DOWN NOW!" Not my most wonderful parenting moment.

I knew you won a beauty contest. I know why. You're beautiful. :)

7:37 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

I just love you, and btw I knew most of that stuff anyway ;-p Hopefully I'll be able to play those bagpipes for you soon!!

2:41 PM  

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