Wednesday, October 03, 2007

It's the same every night.

I promise myself I’ll make it to bed before midnight ten. Throughout the day I remind myself how divine the extra sleep is going to feel. I imagine the jersey-knit sheets against my freshly showered skin and the soft hugs of Willa and Camilla (my two favorite body pillas). Then I wake up every morning absolutely frustrated with myself (again) for not getting the rest I know I need. But I find myself comfortably nestled on the couch with my fuzzy blue sweater wrapped tightly, my laptop carefully balanced on a desk of pillows, the icy water within reach, G4 faintly substituting for the company of my baby, and allowing the warmth of quiet to lull me away. Away to a place to recharge and decompress – it’s three against one y’know and I’ve always gotta have my game on. The allure of three uninterrupted hours of calmness feels too wonderful a thing to be wasted on sleep.

I like unwinding with my older kids to a good book or movie – we watched The Never-ending Story tonight and yay! It’s almost as awesome as I remember. Valcor the luck dragon’s puppeteer could’ve used a few more puppet classes (he kept crinkling his nose and flaring his nostrils too randomly) but I was nonetheless filled with that same pure happiness I felt as a child watching him ride from the red sky. For me there’s an appeal in 80’s classics because the animation is still entertaining and (somewhat) believable, and also because the stories were complete. The fact that I’m digressing to discussing 80’s movies is a very clear indication that I did indeed stay up too late last night (again).

I’ve been nodding off parked in my favorite corner of couch cushions since 5:51 this morning – after resigning myself to bed around 1:00. I am no longer wading through the foggy trenches of Life With A Newborn and yet I’m still just as exhausted as if I were.

This shouldn’t be such a convoluted dilemma! Tell me to quit being such a ninny and simply go to bed earlier.

I’ll have to give this matter more consideration as I drive thru Tim Horton’s for my third caffeinated beverage in an hour. Think the other parents will notice if I take a power nap under a bench at the science center this morning?


Blogger mama said...

sometimes mommy time ranks above even a few extra zzzz's

it's hard shutting down at the end of the day when the alone time feels so darned good.

unless you're knocked up like me. (tell me again how this happened to me?) i can't keep my eyes open much passed 8 pm lately. except for tonight....i get my weekly fix of grey's.

do you watch that show?

4:44 PM  
Blogger Siuan said...

I can totally relate to the mommy time, I'm constantly wanting it! It's hard to go to bed when you have a quiet house and you can just read or write or browse the web! I stay up too late all the time and still get nothing done.

10:44 AM  

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