February Vacation Log: Day 6

The hostages children have broken free from their confines bedrooms and have gained control of the command center. Their demands are seemingly incessant and merciless. I think the smallest member of their unit is the commander, seeing how he makes the most noise, but the larger female shows great dominance. They’ve definitely got me outnumbered in physical strength, but I’m fairly certain I may be able to manipulate them back into captivity before nightfall. I’m not sure my desperate smoke signals were detected by any passing rescue squad, but I will not lose hope. They watch me with small, shrewd eyes, waiting for me to weaken. I’m almost convinced I’ll be able to outlast them tonight, but I worry their energy reserves may prevail over mine. If only I could slip past the tall male and sneak a vitamin….

They’ve devoured all the peanut butter and are demanding access to my personal chocolate supply. They’re threatening to chant shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yipitty boom de boom continually while pounding my kneecaps with plastic spatulas and toothbrushes if I don't comply. Oh god they’re slicing through my calf with a library card….the pain is intolerable.

They have three more days to break me; please send help. Or stronger rope.