Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Blog something already!

Egads my house is almost complete. I start classes tomorrow. I’m cheating on my husband with my new Dyson. I had to drag a hysterical child away from the middle of an icy road this morning. I gained five pounds this month (totally the apple pie’s fault, not mine).

Seriously, I’m a responsible child care provider, babysitter, nanny, whatever. I haven’t had any deaths, impalements or abductions on my watch. I’m one of those super silly adults who will completely humiliate themselves with a bottle of ketchup and salad tongs just to make a kid laugh. And I make a damned good peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And today? I learned that I could fly. Across my lawn, down the hill, over the driveway, into the ditch and into the snow covered road to drag an obstinate seven year old boy from his impending death. Apparently he wanted to sit in the middle of the road. Although fully aware of the enormous snow plows that barrel by at 55 mph, he insisted on punishing himself for bringing his older brother to tears with a freezing face wash. Okay, I have a feeling this child may have a hyperactive sense of empathy? Or he’s just an adrenaline junkie in the making. Speaking of that wonderful drug, it apparently prevents you from feeling any cold sensations when you’re running down and up snowy hills in your BARE FEET. Yeah, right before I tripped and face planted in a foot of snow, my slippers came flying off. With sopping wet yoga pants and bare feet I dragged this child up the hill, and all the while he punched and kicked me. Evidently he didn’t take kindly to having his death wish obstructed. I wonder what the neighbors must think…..

Inside! The house! Is nearly complete! And my two older kiddos are smitten with their newly finished personal spaces. The smell of freshly cut wood, the sight of clean primer and the feel of achievement totally engulf me as I run my hand across the smooth finishes. The sunlight pours in through the windows and warms my back as I hang dream catchers. We did this. We paid for this. This is ours. This is what it feels like to strengthen and build upon your investment. This is what it feels like to grab responsibility by the proverbial horns and take a ride into your future. Granted, we’re in debt up to our foreheads, but hell, you can’t take it with you right? Might as well enjoy life while you’re living.

And my new Dyson totally sucks. Bad. I love it. It should say “Guaranteed 50% Less Lego’s Within 24 Hours” on the box. I rub it, I fondle it, and I call it George. Eight years ago, if somebody would have told me that new household appliances would someday make me giddy with delight, I would have stabbed them in the eye and then asked them if they knew where I could get some good weed.


Blogger Kate said...

I think I told you I'd leave my husband for my Dyson? So I know just what you mean!

Amazing what adrenaline can do for you. Glad you got boychild out of the road!

3:53 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I get that you're smittened. But a vacuum? Now, a neck massager or automatic litter box cleaner I could see. Maybe it's because we don't have carpets...

3:56 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I seriously want a Dyson. Someday! I put a KitchenAid Mixer above a Dyson though...LOL!

12:58 PM  

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