Score another one for the marketers. I don't need an intel core 2 duo, but thanks to another hip commercial jingle, I'll remember the name.
Did you know that if you place an empty chef boyardee can to your ear, you can almost hear the sounds of the tiny dwarves’ pickaxes as they dig in salt mines? Isn’t that fun? And despite what you’ve learned in health class, 950 mg of sodium isn’t so bad. Remember that time you snuck that jumbo bag of potato chips into your bedroom and ate the entire thing? Remember how your lips immediately burned and swelled like giant red water balloons? And remember how we just laughed and laughed? No, you didn’t laugh? Anyway, sodium can be fun, trust me.
The night before last, I asked you what you wanted for supper.
Oh, how you love your hot dogs ‘n beans! You both eat them with such gusto, it’s as if I served you m&m’s dipped in hot fudge sauce. And to be honest, you’ll never hear me complain when preparing that meal. You don’t know this, but it takes me all of 30 seconds to slice open a can of B&M beans and five minutes to sliver and fry hot dogs. I know I told you supper would be ready in 20 minutes, but someday you’ll understand the sheer joy cooking a meal in less than six minutes while still having 14 minutes of tranquility before the hungry masses storm the dining room.
And this meal?
The only explanation I can give is that your baby brother has developed a penchant for shrieking like a tortured orangutan at exactly 5:00 pm. His acute screams and thrashing about render me incapable of using both hands. This pretty much eliminates hot meals. I’m sorry I dropped that grape in your milk, but the exact moment I set the grapes on your plate was the exact moment I was fighting to keep my left eyeball in its socket and not in your baby brother’s hand.
Can I make up for these laughable excuses for meals by allowing you this dessert for the next week?